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Blessed are the meek

I can remember as a child, going to bible school at church and hearing the Beatitudes. I can hardly remember any of them but one has always stayed with me, "blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth".

False.

Coming from someone who has been cursed with meekness, this is a complete load of poo. Being meek is what I have fought my life to overcome. You see, I have a natural disposition to make people happy. I want to please everyone and will do this to my demise. Every relationship in my life has been this way. But, if there is one thing that has come out of this god awful divorce, it's the fact that I am learning how to put my meekness aside and be more assertive. This fight that has been going on for the last year over child support, custody and parenting plans has completely zapped the little angel that sat on my shoulder. Pretty sure the little red horned guy gave her the boot once I paid the retainer for my attorney. No matter how much I try to compromise …
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First Ultra Marathon Recap

I am the kind of person who enjoys pushing limits. I have slowly through the years set goals and completed them only to turn around and set another bigger goal. This year my goal was to finish an ultra. For those of you who don't know an ultra marathon is any race past the 26.2 mile marathon distance. I have been training and trying since January to complete this goal. It has been a tough year physically and mentally for me and running. After being pulled and getting a big fat DNF in Iceland, I went into my 40 miler this weekend completely terrified. I didn't know if I could do it, I didn't know if I was ready and I was so afraid  I would fail again. The mental monsters that invade after not finishing something you work so hard for are hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been there. To sum it up, I put a lot of pressure on myself.

My training for this race has honestly not been the best, life got in the way big time. I missed far too many long runs and even some weekl…

Misconceptions

Identifying yourself as gay lends itself to so many stereotypes and preconceived ideas. Here are a few misconceptions:


1. All lesbians are butch. There are girly lesbians, it's a thing. I'm absolutely girly; I paint my toenails, occasionally wear skirts and love my femininity. There are gay girls who don't and that's okay. Not all gay girls are the same, just like all straight girls aren't the same. Everyone has their own style and I think butch girls look cool as hell and are confident in themselves and wear what they want. You don't have to look a certain way to love women. Your appearance has nothing to do with your sexuality or who you are attracted to.


5. Just because I am attracted to women, does not mean I am attracted to you. I have honest to goodness been asked this and even had women feel uncomfortable because of this. Attraction goes beyond that, straight people are not attracted to everyone they meet, why would we be?

6.  This is not a phase. I am n…

That's the truth

Another training cycle is done and I am so freaking happy. Today, on my last long training run, I thought about honestly talking to you guys about running and training for races. Like the real truth.

For me, I work best and stay motivated when I set a goal which typically comes in the form of a race. I always try to challenge myself with a distance or course just so I have a reason to push myself beyond my comfort. Otherwise, I get complacent. But, I think as much as I post pictures on social media of amazing views and awesome runs there is another side of it; running is freaking hard. That's the truth.

Deciding on a race is the easy part. Yes, it's scary and takes courage to sign up but that's where the journey begins. The hard part is the months and months before a race. The hard part is researching a plan or creating a plan then sticking with it. A plan takes commitment from yourself to put in the work and commitment from your family and spouses to share their time with…

From the other-side

Everyone has certain things that make them feel loved and appreciated. I have learned enough about myself to have figured out, I am a woman who needs affection. I crave physical affection.

I want kisses,
I want to hold hands,
I want arms around me,
I want cuddles on a lazy day,
I want to be the little spoon,
I want to catch her looking at me when she thinks I don't see her...

I know these things make me feel loved. I know not everyone can show love this way and not everyone is able to give this kind of love.In the past, I have been pushed away and laughed at for needing these things. Always made to feel needy or wrong for desiring affection. I don't think it's a bad thing to need human contact. I don't think it's a bad thing to yearn to be in someone's arms at the end of a bad day. There is a simple comfort in holding someone's hand or feeling that hand at the small of your back in a crowded room. For me, those things mean everything. For me, affection is a…

A day worth celebrating...

You are the most incredible woman and you have forever changed the course of my life.

The day I met you, I am pretty sure there were fireworks inside my soul. My heart was yours that day and every day since then. Loving you has been the easiest thing and being loved by you is complete bliss.

You loved me when I was broken.
You loved me when my life was chaos and a wild storm.
You loved me despite the luggage I tugged along with me.

And through all the madness and turmoil we faced in the beginning, you held on through it all. You didn't waiver and you loved me still.

You are absolutely the most amazing person I have ever known...
you are my best friend...
the shoulder I cry on...
the fire within me..
the reason I smile..
the love of my life..
and the best part of every day.

You can't imagine how much I wish I could back and find you sooner so I could love you longer. But, I am grateful for every single day I get to love you and be yours. You are everything I always knew love sho…

Acceptance

Growing up in a southern town I don't think I met a single solitary gay person until I was an adult. There were people who later came out as an adult that I knew in high school but, being raised in a very christian community didn't lend itself to very much self discovery.

I remember when I first started feeling attracted to others, I remember being attracted to movie stars and musicians but I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary. Was it wrong to think Aaliyah was drop dead gorgeous if you are a little southern "straight" girl? In hindsight, probably should have tripped an alarm or two but, I had always thought of myself as being very good at recognizing beauty. I was a complete idiot.
When I thought of the future I thought about the things I was supposed to do, having a house and kids with a husband somewhere in the picture. I honestly didn't barf at the idea of marrying a man, I just knew it was what my future was supposed to look like and I was…